When I was in Melbourne, I visited my friend Kim Ong and her hubby Josiah Ng (yes the cyclist that make us proud by earning Gold medal in Commonwealth games).
Kim asked me "What brought you to wear tudung?"
"Faith mostly."
"Can you 'buka tudung balik' once u wear it?"
"Well, religiously you can't but again it comes back to faith. Trust me, everyday I pray for strength and certainty to keep my hijab on. It's a series of steps I take that leads me here. I'm not saying those who doesn't wear tudung is a bad person. Let's leave the judging to God. In the end God measures you against you. He doesn't compare ur deeds and sins with others.Some people found other ways of thanking God. This is one of my many ways to thank God."
"You look nice in it. I like the way you wear them, very trendy"
As I'm typing, I realized I am such a lucky girl.
I realized that so many of my non muslim friends are supportive of my move. That's what happen when one starts to see the content of one's character rather than their looks. I have many good friends from all walks of life and nothing warms my heart more than knowing they are always cheering me on. Thanks folks ;)
Then there are also some shocking remarks by muslim friends who thought my move have a lot to do with guys. I don't blame them, I do tend to date a lot and hardly take a breather in between. So it's only natural for them to see it that way. Regardless some statement by "used to be good friend" hurts big time.
This is how see hijab. It is a submission of love towards God and urself. I see it as sexual modesty. The western media looks at hijab as oppressive yet when they see girls in lingerie grinding the pole in snoop dogg's video, they termed it as degrading women. So who would you rather follow, a path that is clear or a society that is confused in it's view when it comes to woman and their body?
Then there's a question of guys. Someone asked "So how now with tudung u'll have dwindling fan base as compared to before?"
I just told them "Do u see me with any guy now? Even when I'm not wearing tudung, it doesn't lead me to any Mr. Right. Allah knows who is best for me."
Many arrives at the assumptions that someone influenced me to wear it. It is easier to point out what moved me to wear it because answers like "New found faith " or "It's what I want for me" doesn't suffice anymore.
Believe me when I say I seek for peace in life. Mostly I seek for the connectedness with my Maker. I did tell myself that once I get that peacefulness in my daily prayer and just a time with Him, I will stick to the right path , Insha Allah. In the end that's what happened and my hijab is a symbol of a promise I make to God.
I was a party girl, I don't regret the past I have because it has led me here. To the door of repentance. A friend of mine said " Allah's forgiveness is bigger than any sin committed" . I couldn't agree more. We all hope to enter jannah, for me my deeds and ibadah is just for one thing- to be at His mercy because that's where it starts.
There is always a better angel within us that calls for the path of righteousness. It is up to you to respond to the calling or ignore them.
When the callings come, I hope you answer it and I'll be there to witness the many amazing journey carved out for you.
Insha Allah
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